6 months later, my new relationship with Amazon

How this year’s trending shopping boycotts have changed (and not changed) my relationship with consumption

About six months ago, I published the most-read post on this newsletter to date: “You don’t have to boycott Amazon this year if you don’t want to.” It’s time for an update on how the ensuing conversation has affected my relationship with shopping and my stance today.

After the presidential election, we saw a flurry of people fed up with the society that brought us to the brink of fascist rule. As we always do in the U.S., we cast around for individual actions to take in response. Boycotting Amazon, the monopolistic retail giant that embodies every bad incentive of capitalism, was a tangible and immediate step to take while we waited to see what we were truly up against in the new administration, so that became the trending commitment.

I wrote that piece in January in response to that trend, to let you know it’s OK if you’re not boycotting Amazon this year.

That post remains the most-read post of this newsletter, viewed by more than six times the number of people who were subscribed when it was sent and receiving more than three times the comments of the next most popular post (unsurprisingly, also one about money and fascism).

Many of those comments disagreed with my stance. But many of you were grateful for reassurance that you could keep the convenience and low cost of Amazon in your life without bearing the full weight of blame for the imminent fall of our democracy.

Six months into our actual fascist regime, my stance on that hasn’t changed: It’s absolutely OK if you’re a regular Amazon shopper, if you have a Prime membership, if all of your favorite items are set to Subscribe and Save or whatever that feature is called.

And. My personal consumption habits have changed a lot since January.

Slowing down

When I published that post in January, I said I wasn’t cancelling my Prime membership, and I wasn’t changing my approach to shopping on Amazon. (You can read the full post for all the reasons; there were many!)

In 130+ comments, you all noted one very obvious thing that tipped my thinking just slightly: I could use Amazon without a Prime subscription. Duh. But, honestly, I’d had an annual Prime subscription at that point for eight or nine years, and my Amazon shopping experience was inextricably tied to the convenience of free, two-day shipping.

Dozens of you shared your reasons for shopping or not shopping on Amazon (including, in droves, people who use the site and other online shopping because a disability makes in-store shopping an incredible burden). Many, many of you noted you still use Amazon, but you’ve cancelled Prime.

Dumbly, it sort of hadn’t occurred to me to do that until you shared your experiences. Free, fast shipping seemed like the main benefit of Amazon, so why would I shop there without it? But I’d forgotten you can get free shipping for orders over $35! That requirement is designed to encourage us to buy more each time we order from the site, but you all wrote about how you use it instead to slow down your shopping — fill your cart as you think of items and wait to check out until you reach the threshold.

Pulling my brain out of that rut of thinking made it easy for me to decide to cancel my Prime renewal. I was already dropping other streaming services to save money, and I was happy for a nudge to embrace a more deliberate approach to online shopping.

Simplicity as resistance

The biggest shift in my consumption came a couple of weeks later, shortly after the inauguration. Seeking freedom from the society that landed us at fascism’s doorstep, I was feeling called to live more simply.

Part of that was reworking my personal finances to accommodate a new apartment that gives me respite from my conservative rural community. Part of it was wanting to participate less in the hamster wheel of earning a living. Part of it was absolute fear of what was to come for our country and our economy. And part of it was the implicit pressure from people doing Amazon boycotts and no-buy years and talking about community and sustainability and everything we’ve been seeing over the past six months.

I was tired of striving for something that clearly didn’t exist in our society — actual freedom, lasting comfort, reliable economic mobility. Nearly a decade of Trumpism, the pandemic and too much financial education let me know there’s no end to this. It’s just a lifetime of striving. So why not stop?

So, in February, I upped my financial commitments a lot by adding an apartment to my housing costs — but I otherwise dropped my spending dramatically. I furnished that new apartment with thrift-store finds (which isn’t as cool as it was 20 years ago when I did it the first time). I bought groceries from our neighborhood co-op in the city and eggs from a farm down the road from my rural house. I stopped eating out. I consumed only free media. I used local cabs and trains when I traveled, instead of Ubers and Lyfts.

That felt good… for a while. It was good to shed the codependent consumption I’d become comfortable with since stepping out of poverty 10 years ago. Some friction is good to experience. But some friction is just friction.

This relative shopping ban lasted in my household for a couple of months while we figured out the right balance for us.

Embracing the middle way

As always, my unintended experiment with consumption habits this year has led me to the same place I always end up: in the messy middle.

Neither extreme made sense for me: Buying anything anytime from Amazon feels hollow, but buying nothing ever is exhausting.

Ping ponging between the extremes over the past six months — along with the increased politicization of consumption, especially in the performance of consumption online — has helped me finally settle into a middle way that makes sense for me.

I’m still not boycotting Amazon.

But I did cancel my Prime renewal. I’m buying a lot less in general, and always looking elsewhere first. I’m still allowing myself impulse purchases and comfort buys, while at the same time adding some friction to give myself time to choose that spending intentionally.

It’s still 100% OK for you to shop on Amazon (or anywhere) whenever and however much you want.

I don’t think my consumption habits will be to blame for the demise or salvation of our planet, people or society. They’re just the right moves for me, right now.

I haven’t discovered anything new, mostly just a lifestyle that many of you already understand and embrace. But it seemed important to check in, because my personal approach has shifted since I wrote my original screed. I appreciate having this space to do these experiments and experience this learning in public — and everything you all contributed to that process!

What I love about a budget-free conversation about money is that we don’t strive for the extremes or the absolutes. No one ever has the right answer. We get to live our real lives and have real, messy talks about how money fits into them. And we get to learn and change our minds a lot. That’s the reality of trying to be a real person under capitalism — let’s keep sharing it.

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