Set a regular ‘money date’ to get money off your mind
How my bi-weekly check in has helped me keep my head on straight amid work, life and financial transitions
So much of financial stress comes from constantly thinking about money.
Everything we do in life involves money — working to earn it, enjoying leisure and forgoing it, spending to buy everything we need and want — so we’re constantly triggered to worry. Will this purchase take away from my savings goals? Can I afford to use this credit card this month? Does taking this hike mean I’m neglecting work?
My main aim when thinking about money management is to reduce that constant stress — in YDNAB I call it “the ticker” — by getting money off your mind.
The way I do that for myself is to set a regular money date. I’m a crazy person, so my money dates involve publishing details of my financial journey online, but your money date can just be any regular check in with yourself, your partner(s), your family or your financial advisors to review your goals and take a look at your financial situation.
Get money off your mind
Getting the lay of the land regularly helps answer those questions swirling in your mind about whether you can “afford” something or which is the next right decision for you. Having a money date as a touch point keeps you aware of your financial situation so you can make day-to-day decisions with ease.
Plus, you can let go of the constant ticker, because this regular meeting creates space to hold your financial questions and concerns.
I developed the money date idea for You Don’t Need a Budget, inspired by writer Laura Leavitt, who wrote for Healthy Rich a few years ago about her weekly family meetings.
Laura wrote about how she and her husband formed this habit to help them stay on top of their commitments and work toward financial goals. They review their finances in a weekly family meeting to keep their major life goals top of mind and make financial progress toward them. The habit helped them prepare to have a child, build a nest egg to move to their dream home and dedicate a percentage of income to charity.
“What I’ve loved about family meetings is that the big things we’ve accomplished have all crept up on me because they happened in smaller moments throughout our lives together,” she wrote.
Whether you’re managing money only for yourself or with others, regular meetings to check in can reduce your financial stress and keep you aware of how money fits in with your overall goals.
As Laura pointed out, “There are always discussion points that seem just out of relevance, since there’s also dinner to eat right this minute or a call to take for work in half an hour. . . . [Our weekly meeting] felt quite silly at first, because we talk all the time. But then we realized the very valuable way a weekly meeting structured our conversations.
How to set up your money date
A money date is any space that gives you time to process and talk about big or small changes you want to make, so you can focus on creating a plan to achieve them.
I’ll share my process below, and you can read Laura’s essay to learn more about her family’s weekly meeting — but experiment and go with whatever cadence and format works for you.
I do my check in every two weeks. I tried weekly but found not enough was changing with my money in seven days to warrant the time. Monthly could work, too, but I like doing it a little more frequently so I’m not too far out from any experiences to remember how and why I made the decisions I made.
I recommend using a money map so you always have consistent information to guide your review. This is just some accounting of your available resources, financial commitments and goals. If you have a copy of YDNAB, my money map questions are listed in the back, and you can track your answers in any digital or paper or artistic form that works for you. Anyone can also download a printable PDF or spreadsheet template from the book’s website.
Once you have your money map started, you can use your money dates to reflect on how you’ve been using money and make adjustments to your commitments and goals as you go.
In each money date, I answer these questions:
What’s the most joyful thing you did with money this week? (or month or past two weeks?)
Is there anything you did with money this week that you’d like to change or avoid in the future? Why?
What did you do (financially or otherwise) to support your goals this week?
Based on your experience this week, are there any changes you want to make to your commitments or goals?
(I made a worksheet for money dates, too! Download it here under Chapter 3.)
Money dates outside of your household
In addition to gaining an awareness of the basics, you can layer in occasional money dates to help you with more complex money management stuff.
If you receive a regular paycheck, a periodic paycheck check-in with an HR rep or just a look at your payroll account online is another kind of money date to consider. It can remind you where your paycheck is being deposited and give you visibility into your access to various benefits and retirement planning.
Spending a few minutes to do this once every few months can keep you aware of the resources at your disposal and quiet the ticker about meeting your short- and long-term financial goals.
For longer-term planning, you could meet periodically with a financial planner, coach or therapist. A coach or therapist can be helpful if you want to work through issues in your relationship with money, and a financial planner can help with specific advice for investing and long-term savings.
How money dates have helped me
Holding myself accountable to money dates through this newsletter has been a huge help as I’ve gone through several transitions this year.
It helped me get comfortable renting an apartment so I can visit the city more often. It helped me reduce my spending to embrace simplicity in the face of fascism. It helped me recognize the resources I had available to reduce the burden of some debts. It helped me adjust my goals when I started a new job.
Making this a regular habit has made it so much easier to see my options when I want to make a big change or when I’ve faced financial challenges. It keeps financial fears at bay, because I have a crystal clear picture of my available resources and commitments as I’m faced with spending decisions day to day.
I’m not usually very excited about very boring routines like this. I’ve been pleasantly surprised by the clarity I’ve gained through my money dates, and I’ve come to weirdly look forward to them.
I’ll never say any method or resource is going to be perfect for everyone, so if it doesn’t sound right for you, skip it! But I’ve been happy with my results and think this habit is worth experimenting with if you’re intrigued.
Share your money date!
If you want to get started today, hop into the comments on my latest money date and share your own reflections! (Money date comments are always a private, subscriber-only space to encourage you to feel OK talking about money.)
