We all have a relationship (perhaps more than one) with money. And, like all relationships, we bring our own baggage. Sometimes the "why" is conscious and above ground (so to speak), like Katy's example below.
But sometimes the "why" is a bit more subterranean. For example, we might be buying stuff out of an unconscious urge to deal with feelings of inadequacy. This type of situation might go beyond the bailiwick of a financial planner; a therapist could be of help.
Totally agree! I'd love for therapists to be more in tune to financial behavior — and, even more, for financial planners to be more in tune to those unconscious desires, so they can help bring them to the surface.
I love this “why” mindset so much! It’s what I consider part of my mindfulness practice and I know I’m doing okay, no matter my financial situation, if I am still asking myself why before purchasing and investigating how purchases feel. An example is a $180 tent I have spent MONTHS agonizing over and just purchased yesterday with the realization that the intention of the purchase is to allow for more adventures without the cost of hotel rooms and to spend more meaningful time with my family. The tent is less than ONE night in a hotel! Versus the NOT mindful Poshmark purchases I have made in the past month - I’m not beating myself up over them, but I am digging to the root of what need I was trying to fill with them, beyond the physical clothing item. Again, I love this newsletter and thank you for the work you do!
Love that you're thinking about the needs you're filling with purchases, and not with a goal of restriction. Understanding those needs lets you celebrate the purchases that serve just as much as it helps you cut the ones that don't.
Thanks so much for reading! Always love hearing from you, Katy :)
Yes! The 'why' is the most important part, isn't it? And I love your "deep why" questions about why society functions in the ways that it does... those are important questions to keep asking as well. Sometimes coaches are advised to steer away from the 'why' question because it might make people feel defensive. So we might ask something like "what was meaningful about that for you?" or a little more gentle of a question, to get at the root of the real why. I agree with John Howe that their can be layers to these whys, and that the surface can sometimes cover for those deeper desires. And these are important to consider.
I love your suggestion to reframe the "why" to avoid the connotation that we're being judgmental. "What was meaningful about that" is an interesting direction to go.
We all have a relationship (perhaps more than one) with money. And, like all relationships, we bring our own baggage. Sometimes the "why" is conscious and above ground (so to speak), like Katy's example below.
But sometimes the "why" is a bit more subterranean. For example, we might be buying stuff out of an unconscious urge to deal with feelings of inadequacy. This type of situation might go beyond the bailiwick of a financial planner; a therapist could be of help.
Totally agree! I'd love for therapists to be more in tune to financial behavior — and, even more, for financial planners to be more in tune to those unconscious desires, so they can help bring them to the surface.
I love this “why” mindset so much! It’s what I consider part of my mindfulness practice and I know I’m doing okay, no matter my financial situation, if I am still asking myself why before purchasing and investigating how purchases feel. An example is a $180 tent I have spent MONTHS agonizing over and just purchased yesterday with the realization that the intention of the purchase is to allow for more adventures without the cost of hotel rooms and to spend more meaningful time with my family. The tent is less than ONE night in a hotel! Versus the NOT mindful Poshmark purchases I have made in the past month - I’m not beating myself up over them, but I am digging to the root of what need I was trying to fill with them, beyond the physical clothing item. Again, I love this newsletter and thank you for the work you do!
Love that you're thinking about the needs you're filling with purchases, and not with a goal of restriction. Understanding those needs lets you celebrate the purchases that serve just as much as it helps you cut the ones that don't.
Thanks so much for reading! Always love hearing from you, Katy :)
Yes! The 'why' is the most important part, isn't it? And I love your "deep why" questions about why society functions in the ways that it does... those are important questions to keep asking as well. Sometimes coaches are advised to steer away from the 'why' question because it might make people feel defensive. So we might ask something like "what was meaningful about that for you?" or a little more gentle of a question, to get at the root of the real why. I agree with John Howe that their can be layers to these whys, and that the surface can sometimes cover for those deeper desires. And these are important to consider.
I love your suggestion to reframe the "why" to avoid the connotation that we're being judgmental. "What was meaningful about that" is an interesting direction to go.