'There are worse things than being ambitious, right?'
Lindsey Stanberry of The Purse on divulging money secrets, taking care of family and celebrating women's success
Lindsey also wrote the Money Diaries book and hosted the podcast of the same name. She’s held leadership roles at Refinery29, CNBC and Fortune, but in 2023, she decided to throw caution to the wind and quit her full-time job to launch
. Amid it all, she’s married and raising a kid — oh, and also studying to become a certified financial planner!I was delighted to capture a moment of Lindsey’s time and chat with her below about editing money confessionals, spending joyfully on her kid, celebrating ambitious women and more.
You were the founding editor of Money Diaries at Refinery29 and author of the book, and now you publish a range of similar confessionals through Home Economics and Division of Labor at The Purse. What attracts you to make space for people to divulge the kinds of financial details our culture often shames us into keeping secret? What do you think these stories add to our cultural conversation about money?
When we launched Money Diaries at R29, it became very clear very quickly that people wanted to share their stories. I think there’s something cathartic about telling a perfect stranger about your financial experience — the good and the bad. And of course readers are curious to see how people make it work. It’s like visiting a friend’s house and peeking in their medicine cabinet. (I don’t do this, lol, but it does seem to be a popular trope in TV and movies.) I also personally find it fascinating. I’ve interviewed dozens of women over the years, and everyone’s story is a little different.
But my passion for telling these stories goes far beyond voyeurism. It’s important to me to tell stories that don’t get covered consistently anywhere else (or with the same care and compassion). It’s still radical for women to talk about money (and unfortunately, given our current political climate, it doesn’t seem like that will be changing anytime soon). I get feedback from readers that they don’t like that I feature so many women earning six figures because it’s “not relatable.” But I want to push back against that. First off, I try really hard to share a range of salaries and experiences. Diversity is the spice of life, especially when it comes to creating a good newsletter. Perhaps more important, though, I think it’s important to see stories of women earning good salaries and discussing their experiences. So often, women fall over themselves apologizing for their privilege and not taking credit for their hard work. I’d love to change that, and help women feel good about their success.
And I’d encourage readers who feel jealous or annoyed by these kinds of stories to ask themselves why? I think there’s a lot of deeply embedded misogyny that makes us so judge-y of other women’s success.
What’s the most joyful thing you’ve done with money in the past six(ish) months?
Basically any money I spend on my kid. He’s such a wonderful, fun, happy child, and it’s a treat to be able to treat him. I can’t think of any better way to spend my money than on him, whether that’s something big, like piano lessons (which he loves) or small, like a gumball from the machine at the grocery store (why that is such a source of delight, I’ll never know). Of course, it helps that he’s so appreciative and sweet.
What messages did you get about money growing up? Which have you held onto and which have you let go?
My parents didn’t grow up with a lot of money, but they both pursued careers in medicine (my dad is a pediatrician and my mom is a pharmacist), so I was lucky to have a very financially secure childhood. I’m not sure how they’d describe their money philosophy (I should ask them!), but in my mind, I think they very much see money as a tool and resource to be used. I wouldn’t describe them as extravagant spenders, but they are very generous, and they spend on things they care about (including my and my brother’s education). They taught us to be grateful and generous as well.
I grew up to be more of a saver, I think in part because of who I married (Ken is very careful with his money) and also because I pursued a writing career, which simply isn’t as lucrative as working in medicine. But they always instilled in me the importance of taking care of family, and that’s a principle that guides much of how I think about spending these days.
How do various facets of your identity impact your work and finances?
For better or worse, my identity is very much tied up with my work. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t so ambitious and that my self-worth wasn’t so closely tied to my career success. And then other times, I find it’s a huge motivator. I’m trying not to be so hard on myself. There are worse things than being ambitious, right?
I’m definitely not as motivated by money, and by extension, I don’t think my identity is as tied up with it. Since leaving my full-time corporate role and getting by on much less, I’ve re-evaluated how much is “enough.” Of course, Ken and I saved for many years to get to this point, and I have a lot of privilege. Perhaps, I would feel differently if I hadn’t already saved and invested quite a bit.
What’s one financial decision that frequently causes you stress? How do you work through it?
I worry a lot about my son’s education and if I’m making all the right decisions on where he goes to school and how he’s growing and learning. Growing up, I was lucky to attend two very special schools with amazing teachers, and they definitely fostered my love of learning. But I’m not 100% convinced that private schools are the only way to get a good education, and in NYC, it feels prohibitively expensive to go that route. Education is such a touchy subject (I still think about this Nicole Hannah-Jones piece from the New York Times magazine that I read before I had a kid), and it’s a hard conversation to have with people, which leaves me feeling like I’m navigating it alone.
Besides yours, what personal finance content do you most recommend and why? Who is it best for?
Yours of course! [Dana: Goodness! Thank you! ☺️]
Substack is increasingly becoming a wonderful place to find amazing money writers. I love
of , by and . Off Substack, I’m a huge fan of Paco DeLeon, Aja Evans, Farnoosh Torabi, Money with Katie, and Manisha Thakor. And I’m sure I’m missing a lot of other amazing people!Instead of talking about the weather, what do you wish strangers would ask you about when you meet on the street?
Honestly, anything but politics these days! It’s too depressing!
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I read everything both of you write, because I find everyone’s personal money philosophy fascinating. People would almost rather talk about their sex life than tell you how much money they make or how they spend it. (Actually, I don’t think I need the word “almost” in there.)
Thanks for the interview, Dana! It was so fun! You ask very thoughtful questions!