Oh, Jenna's quote! I saved a quote from designer Diane von Furstenberg years ago in my Notes app that your piece inspired me to revisit: "In my older face, I see my life. My face carried all my memories. Why should I erase them?"
My very dark brown hair started greying when I was around 14, I dyed it for years and years, went bleach blonde from aged 27-28, which was kinda lower maintenance in some ways as I didn’t need to touch up my roots as much, but very expensive to maintain. During Covid, aged 29, I shaved it all off and have since grown it out without dying it. I’m fully white/grey now at 35. I still get self conscious sometimes, especially when my husband is the same age as me but looks very young!! I sometimes worry that people will think I’m my son’s gran BUT it is also so so so freeing. It’s so nice not having to stress about my roots coming through, and I think overall it has given me a lot more confidence. And I love it when people ask me whether it’s natural hahah. I get lots of compliments on it!
Thanks for sharing your perspective on this; I don't read many stories about women intentionally going gray, and I enjoyed the different take.
Personally, I vacillate between wanting to let my hair go gray and wanting to color it. I'm 36 with very dark brown hair and tons of gray hair in the mix. My mom colors her hair every month and my friends all color their hair too. I already look less "put together" than most of my peers because I don't invest the time and money into doing my makeup, accessorizing with jewelry, or wearing what's in fashion. Coloring my hair seems like a way to look put together without a daily commitment, ya know? But having another task and expense is annoying, so I don't do it often. I'm still trying to decide what I'd like to do moving forward.
I totally get this! I’m also usually the less “put together” person among friends and family because I don’t want to prioritize those things, and I’m very conscious of it. Going gray does feel like one more place where I “let myself go,” and that can be tough.
"Turns out, gray hair is one of those things we love to support for others but can’t quite participate in ourselves." 👋 Hi! I'm (45 and) participating (with my VERY dark brown hair and thus VERY obvious grays)!
Oh, I was sooooo pleased a few years back when my husband's grays started to pop. He has that blondish-brownish color that best hides them, while I have medium brown hair that does NOT hide them. (We're only two years apart so basically the same age.) It's funny because I'm not annoyed by my grays, but was annoyed by his lack of visible ones.
I’m one of the lucky ones that went gray early (20s) but it’s always been this beautiful bright gray/white combo. It’s thick, and curly, I imagine it’s close to how you describe your mom’s hair. I have a youthfulness in how I move, think, and speak and feel like the gray elevates any message I share.
As someone who’s always had dark brown hair so I’ve never been able to play with other color without bleaching it (which I didn’t want to do), I’ve kind of enjoyed being able to do that with my greys. But I’m not willing to spend $$$ on it and enjoy having them sometimes, so I just use at-home, demi-permanent dyes. It’s been fun to be able to go through seasons with it…a fall where my greys turn nearly purple because of an auburn hair color, then fade back to grey for a while. Right now I tried a really light brown which just gave the greys a slight warmth. It feels more like playing with the greys than fully trying to mask them.
I love this! My mom has been playing with colors in her lighter hair, too, and I also look forward to being able to do that. I bleached my hair once in high school to dye it fun colors, and it was just so tedious.
I've had grey hair since my early 20s due to high stress 😬 but it was fine cause the rest of me was still 'young looking' (or whatever grr lol). And for years, it didn't bother me one bit. Now I'm on the other side of my 30s and I can see the visible ageing (wrinkles, pigmentation and the slight drooping) and the grey hair is part of it. I got it dyed once professionally and hated it.
Now I'll do a henna and indigo dye? treatment? once every 3-6 months because I like the shine, it's good for my thinning hair, and that it doesn't cover it fully? Like somehow the not-perfect coverage makes me feel better and that I'm not hiding myself.
That’s a cool option! I haven’t heard of a henna dye for hair before.
My experience has been the same; I hardly thought about graying in my early 30s when my face still looked young, and it’s on my mind a lot more now that the rest of me is catching up in aging.
Much food for thought, thanks for sharing! I realize how lucky I am to have a mother who is generally low maintenance (and to think I resented that when I was younger because she couldn't help me learn how to apply makeup properly...).
Although she just stopped covering her grays and embraced her naturals curls just now, when she turned 60. Never knew until then that the curls I knew her with were made with curlers... I'm just learning now to accept my own "wavy-in-a-weird-kind-of-way" hair, and leave the grays in peace. Curious how long it'll last...
Thank so much for sharing this. I feel such a similar ambivalence about my hair. I’m 37 and have tons of grays among my dark brown hair. The grays are more frizzy and curly than my (straight) non-gray hair, which makes them even more apparent. I’m generally low maintenance, appearance-wise — I barely ever wear makeup and dress casually — but I do wonder how people interpret my class through my choice to not dye my hair. Although I try to not spend *too* much mental energy speculating about others’ opinions, looking “put together” is definitely a class marker, especially in the professional class — and I wonder if I am taken less seriously in some professional contexts because of it.
I feel the same way! It’s definitely been easier to eschew professional beauty standards because I work from home (until recently, as a freelancer, so even easier!). But I definitely get self-conscious when I see myself next to co-workers in a Zoom meeting.
I'm about to turn 35 next month, and if my genetics are any indication, I'll be on my way to graying sooner rather than later. Hearing from people who embrace it so beautifully as you have is something I actively seek out!
<Oh sigh> I just can't go gray. Coloring my hair is my one concession to vanity. But I haven't felt well lately and just haven't had the energy, and it will cost $150 to have it done professionally. Serious roots going on now...
Oh, Jenna's quote! I saved a quote from designer Diane von Furstenberg years ago in my Notes app that your piece inspired me to revisit: "In my older face, I see my life. My face carried all my memories. Why should I erase them?"
That’s beautiful!
My very dark brown hair started greying when I was around 14, I dyed it for years and years, went bleach blonde from aged 27-28, which was kinda lower maintenance in some ways as I didn’t need to touch up my roots as much, but very expensive to maintain. During Covid, aged 29, I shaved it all off and have since grown it out without dying it. I’m fully white/grey now at 35. I still get self conscious sometimes, especially when my husband is the same age as me but looks very young!! I sometimes worry that people will think I’m my son’s gran BUT it is also so so so freeing. It’s so nice not having to stress about my roots coming through, and I think overall it has given me a lot more confidence. And I love it when people ask me whether it’s natural hahah. I get lots of compliments on it!
What a journey! That's a lot of tough decisions — kudos on shaving it all off and starting fresh. That does sound freeing 💖
Thanks for sharing your perspective on this; I don't read many stories about women intentionally going gray, and I enjoyed the different take.
Personally, I vacillate between wanting to let my hair go gray and wanting to color it. I'm 36 with very dark brown hair and tons of gray hair in the mix. My mom colors her hair every month and my friends all color their hair too. I already look less "put together" than most of my peers because I don't invest the time and money into doing my makeup, accessorizing with jewelry, or wearing what's in fashion. Coloring my hair seems like a way to look put together without a daily commitment, ya know? But having another task and expense is annoying, so I don't do it often. I'm still trying to decide what I'd like to do moving forward.
I totally get this! I’m also usually the less “put together” person among friends and family because I don’t want to prioritize those things, and I’m very conscious of it. Going gray does feel like one more place where I “let myself go,” and that can be tough.
"Turns out, gray hair is one of those things we love to support for others but can’t quite participate in ourselves." 👋 Hi! I'm (45 and) participating (with my VERY dark brown hair and thus VERY obvious grays)!
Oh, I was sooooo pleased a few years back when my husband's grays started to pop. He has that blondish-brownish color that best hides them, while I have medium brown hair that does NOT hide them. (We're only two years apart so basically the same age.) It's funny because I'm not annoyed by my grays, but was annoyed by his lack of visible ones.
Haha - yes, that’s how I feel about being around peers who dye their hair. I don’t actually mind mine at all, but I mind that they’re hiding theirs..?
Thank you!
I’m one of the lucky ones that went gray early (20s) but it’s always been this beautiful bright gray/white combo. It’s thick, and curly, I imagine it’s close to how you describe your mom’s hair. I have a youthfulness in how I move, think, and speak and feel like the gray elevates any message I share.
It sounds lovely!
As someone who’s always had dark brown hair so I’ve never been able to play with other color without bleaching it (which I didn’t want to do), I’ve kind of enjoyed being able to do that with my greys. But I’m not willing to spend $$$ on it and enjoy having them sometimes, so I just use at-home, demi-permanent dyes. It’s been fun to be able to go through seasons with it…a fall where my greys turn nearly purple because of an auburn hair color, then fade back to grey for a while. Right now I tried a really light brown which just gave the greys a slight warmth. It feels more like playing with the greys than fully trying to mask them.
I love this! My mom has been playing with colors in her lighter hair, too, and I also look forward to being able to do that. I bleached my hair once in high school to dye it fun colors, and it was just so tedious.
I've had grey hair since my early 20s due to high stress 😬 but it was fine cause the rest of me was still 'young looking' (or whatever grr lol). And for years, it didn't bother me one bit. Now I'm on the other side of my 30s and I can see the visible ageing (wrinkles, pigmentation and the slight drooping) and the grey hair is part of it. I got it dyed once professionally and hated it.
Now I'll do a henna and indigo dye? treatment? once every 3-6 months because I like the shine, it's good for my thinning hair, and that it doesn't cover it fully? Like somehow the not-perfect coverage makes me feel better and that I'm not hiding myself.
That’s a cool option! I haven’t heard of a henna dye for hair before.
My experience has been the same; I hardly thought about graying in my early 30s when my face still looked young, and it’s on my mind a lot more now that the rest of me is catching up in aging.
Much food for thought, thanks for sharing! I realize how lucky I am to have a mother who is generally low maintenance (and to think I resented that when I was younger because she couldn't help me learn how to apply makeup properly...).
Although she just stopped covering her grays and embraced her naturals curls just now, when she turned 60. Never knew until then that the curls I knew her with were made with curlers... I'm just learning now to accept my own "wavy-in-a-weird-kind-of-way" hair, and leave the grays in peace. Curious how long it'll last...
Thank so much for sharing this. I feel such a similar ambivalence about my hair. I’m 37 and have tons of grays among my dark brown hair. The grays are more frizzy and curly than my (straight) non-gray hair, which makes them even more apparent. I’m generally low maintenance, appearance-wise — I barely ever wear makeup and dress casually — but I do wonder how people interpret my class through my choice to not dye my hair. Although I try to not spend *too* much mental energy speculating about others’ opinions, looking “put together” is definitely a class marker, especially in the professional class — and I wonder if I am taken less seriously in some professional contexts because of it.
I feel the same way! It’s definitely been easier to eschew professional beauty standards because I work from home (until recently, as a freelancer, so even easier!). But I definitely get self-conscious when I see myself next to co-workers in a Zoom meeting.
I compare my grays to bug antennae :) the ANGLES they stick out at!
YES! In my curly hair, why are they so straight and erect??
I'm about to turn 35 next month, and if my genetics are any indication, I'll be on my way to graying sooner rather than later. Hearing from people who embrace it so beautifully as you have is something I actively seek out!
Happy to be a voice in the mix!
<Oh sigh> I just can't go gray. Coloring my hair is my one concession to vanity. But I haven't felt well lately and just haven't had the energy, and it will cost $150 to have it done professionally. Serious roots going on now...
Whatever feels right for you! Sorry you haven't been feeling well lately...
Absolutely love that quote from Jenna Fischer
It made me emotional!
Same!