Thank you for the feature Dana! (It got me to my first 100 subscribers ❤)
I know there were periods of my childhood where I received an allowance, but it was never consistent. I do remember get paid $1 for every 'shiner' fish I caught in our backyard to use as fishing bait LOL
I did start working as soon as possible, babysitting at about 12 years old. I grew up in an unstable home and knew that money was independence, and I felt like an allowance was a manipulation tool.
I think about this a lot - if I have kids how I want their first interactions with money to be. I don't want my kids to only clean because they will get paid, but I want them to know what it feels like to earn money, be proud of their work, and feel confident and secure spending it.
I did get cash for birthdays and some holidays. I don't remember 'needing' an allowance and I started working at age 15 so I was rolling in dough before I moved out at age 18! My 15 year old brain thought I was rolling in dough at least. Once I moved out, I was broke for the following 20 years no matter how many jobs I worked.
I'm still amazed at friends younger than me who lived at home AFTER high school graduation and worked and stuffed money in the bank for years; one person I know moved out when she got married and had $80k in the damn bank. What tha??
Not saying there is anything wrong with that, but to have the privilege of a stable home and people who will let you live there RENT-FREE as a young adult is definitely not the way most of my peers rolled.
Same here: re: living with parents rent-free after high school. I would have loved to be in a position to sock away a good nest egg before taking off on my own.
I never received a regular allowance and my parents were pretty haphazard about what they would and wouldn’t pay for — so I have decided to be more proactive with my kids. They get paid their age in dollars every week (we use the Greenlight app, which makes it very easy!), and they have to use that money to buy anything related to video games, toys, souvenirs, etc. they have def wasted it all on dumb purchases and had to live with those consequences…
We don’t tie it to chores though I have mixed feelings about that! I both believe everyone should contribute to the running of the household and that domestic work has value. I also suspect they would do more chores if they were compensated! Though that’s a complicated message…
The debate between "domestic labor happens because we care for our community" and "domestic labor should be compensated" is so messy! It completely complicates allowance, which is some mix of teaching kids financial literacy + teaching kids to "earn a living" + somehow grappling with the distribution of household labor. I don't envy parents on this one!
I'm curious about your thoughts on the idea that kids should be taught to "earn a living." Do you think that the message that people need to earn their living (as opposed to it being a human right) is something that parents should be teaching their kids?
Our allowance was for school. My Mom said it was our job. We were all high performing students, so it wasn’t really about grades, more about recognizing we got up and went there every day just like my parents went to work.
As a parent coach and a parent, I love this topic. It has taught me so much about parents’ fear and lack of control.
My siblings and I got an allowance for a few months when I was around 10. It wasn’t tied to chores per se, but it was tied to keeping the house tidy, which we didn’t do.
My kids receive a dollar per year of life each week, and they can choose how much to put in their wallets or savings. When they save for something, we match their savings 1:1. It is not tied to chores in anyway.
My older started at 6, asking for it because he wanted independence. My daughter started at 3 because she didn’t think it was fair that her brother got one and she didn’t.
As for the lack of control parents have, I’ve seen how it isn’t really teaching delayed gratification or prioritization or anything like that I’d been told it would do. My son saves most of his allowance for a rainy day and my daughter spends most of it each week on candy—though she will sometimes set savings goals for a specific Lego set or something. But save “just because”—hell no. (Which is okay in that I’m not trying to teach her to be miserly, but as my son demonstrates, a miser is a miser no matter what their parents do!)
I have nieces that are exact opposites just like your kids! I appreciate that you let your kids choose whether and how much to spend vs. save instead of setting a rule.
I thought for sure I would do the save/spend/give approach and dictate how the money would be divided, but it just felt wrong--manipulative as someone else said, but also not very realistic teaching since neither my saving nor my giving are 1/3 of my net income--and also not very consistent with the overall message that I wanted my kids to receive about money, which is that it is a tool for creating the life and world that you want to live in. Some days it is hard not to control things (like when my daughter realizes that she can buy 4 Pez dispensers because she hasn't had the opportunity to spend her allowance in over a month) but for the most part I think it has worked very well for us.
I had an allowance. It was small, not tied to chores. My parents did a lot of guilt and manipulation with money. My kid has a non chore allowance but is generally helpful with house stuff and it works for us.
But they get a bonus for good grades, but no punishment if the grades aren’t as great. They have grade requirements for the magnet school they had to compete to get into and my attitude towards grades is Cs or better but bonus for all As and Bs. They can make extra cash doing more cumbersome household stuff but that hasn’t really really motivated them 🤷🏼♀️
In high school I got $40/month (in the 90’s). Eventually it was tied to me cleaning my room, because that was important to my parents. Then modified to include the stipulation that I got a dollar less for every day after the 3rd that it wasn’t done. Like paying a late fee on my rent, in reverse.
Yeah, I was that kid.
All other chores were just part of living together in the house.
My kids are now adults. For me the allowance I gave was about their financial education. (And my freedom)
I started at KG at $3 weekly (in 1997) and increased thru high school.
In elementary school it was primarily for snacks, junk toys, and other small items. It became their decision not mine.
By middle school it was increased ($10-15 weekly) and included a separate budget for clothing ($450 yearly). At this point they were responsible for their music, any meals or movies with friends, their buying snacks or items on vacations, and gifts for their friends and family.
In high school it maxed out ($20 weekly) and started coming only once a month. They were responsible for their own gas, and if working half the car insurance.
The same in college, they received their personal expenses as per the college monthly, and when living off campus their rent and food money monthly as well.
The two largest benefits were that they learned gradually how to budget, make choices, apply their values, and learn from mistakes.
And I was freed from those hundreds of choices and not having to be involved in every decision of whether to buy music or clothes or gas or……...(and not feel that their poor choices were my poor choices).
They never had to ask for more during college, and now as adults have avoided credit card debt, and presave for vacations.
We have assisted them to fund retirement by contributing any earned income in high school and college towards Roth IRAs.
Thank you for the feature Dana! (It got me to my first 100 subscribers ❤)
I know there were periods of my childhood where I received an allowance, but it was never consistent. I do remember get paid $1 for every 'shiner' fish I caught in our backyard to use as fishing bait LOL
I did start working as soon as possible, babysitting at about 12 years old. I grew up in an unstable home and knew that money was independence, and I felt like an allowance was a manipulation tool.
I think about this a lot - if I have kids how I want their first interactions with money to be. I don't want my kids to only clean because they will get paid, but I want them to know what it feels like to earn money, be proud of their work, and feel confident and secure spending it.
That's amazing, Brittany! So glad to contribute to that milestone :)
Allowance as a manipulation tool is *fascinating*! I've never heard anyone share that experience, but it absolutely makes sense.
Gen X here: never got an allowance LOL.
I did get cash for birthdays and some holidays. I don't remember 'needing' an allowance and I started working at age 15 so I was rolling in dough before I moved out at age 18! My 15 year old brain thought I was rolling in dough at least. Once I moved out, I was broke for the following 20 years no matter how many jobs I worked.
I'm still amazed at friends younger than me who lived at home AFTER high school graduation and worked and stuffed money in the bank for years; one person I know moved out when she got married and had $80k in the damn bank. What tha??
Not saying there is anything wrong with that, but to have the privilege of a stable home and people who will let you live there RENT-FREE as a young adult is definitely not the way most of my peers rolled.
Same here: re: living with parents rent-free after high school. I would have loved to be in a position to sock away a good nest egg before taking off on my own.
I never received a regular allowance and my parents were pretty haphazard about what they would and wouldn’t pay for — so I have decided to be more proactive with my kids. They get paid their age in dollars every week (we use the Greenlight app, which makes it very easy!), and they have to use that money to buy anything related to video games, toys, souvenirs, etc. they have def wasted it all on dumb purchases and had to live with those consequences…
We don’t tie it to chores though I have mixed feelings about that! I both believe everyone should contribute to the running of the household and that domestic work has value. I also suspect they would do more chores if they were compensated! Though that’s a complicated message…
The debate between "domestic labor happens because we care for our community" and "domestic labor should be compensated" is so messy! It completely complicates allowance, which is some mix of teaching kids financial literacy + teaching kids to "earn a living" + somehow grappling with the distribution of household labor. I don't envy parents on this one!
Yes! Ugh! And domestic labor ISN’T valued fairly under capitalism and yet it feels icky and capitalistic to pay kids to set the table. idkkkk
I'm curious about your thoughts on the idea that kids should be taught to "earn a living." Do you think that the message that people need to earn their living (as opposed to it being a human right) is something that parents should be teaching their kids?
Our allowance was for school. My Mom said it was our job. We were all high performing students, so it wasn’t really about grades, more about recognizing we got up and went there every day just like my parents went to work.
That's always made sense to me, since society kind of treats school like a kid's job.
As a parent coach and a parent, I love this topic. It has taught me so much about parents’ fear and lack of control.
My siblings and I got an allowance for a few months when I was around 10. It wasn’t tied to chores per se, but it was tied to keeping the house tidy, which we didn’t do.
My kids receive a dollar per year of life each week, and they can choose how much to put in their wallets or savings. When they save for something, we match their savings 1:1. It is not tied to chores in anyway.
My older started at 6, asking for it because he wanted independence. My daughter started at 3 because she didn’t think it was fair that her brother got one and she didn’t.
As for the lack of control parents have, I’ve seen how it isn’t really teaching delayed gratification or prioritization or anything like that I’d been told it would do. My son saves most of his allowance for a rainy day and my daughter spends most of it each week on candy—though she will sometimes set savings goals for a specific Lego set or something. But save “just because”—hell no. (Which is okay in that I’m not trying to teach her to be miserly, but as my son demonstrates, a miser is a miser no matter what their parents do!)
I have nieces that are exact opposites just like your kids! I appreciate that you let your kids choose whether and how much to spend vs. save instead of setting a rule.
I thought for sure I would do the save/spend/give approach and dictate how the money would be divided, but it just felt wrong--manipulative as someone else said, but also not very realistic teaching since neither my saving nor my giving are 1/3 of my net income--and also not very consistent with the overall message that I wanted my kids to receive about money, which is that it is a tool for creating the life and world that you want to live in. Some days it is hard not to control things (like when my daughter realizes that she can buy 4 Pez dispensers because she hasn't had the opportunity to spend her allowance in over a month) but for the most part I think it has worked very well for us.
I had an allowance. It was small, not tied to chores. My parents did a lot of guilt and manipulation with money. My kid has a non chore allowance but is generally helpful with house stuff and it works for us.
But they get a bonus for good grades, but no punishment if the grades aren’t as great. They have grade requirements for the magnet school they had to compete to get into and my attitude towards grades is Cs or better but bonus for all As and Bs. They can make extra cash doing more cumbersome household stuff but that hasn’t really really motivated them 🤷🏼♀️
Money never motivated me to do chores, either! It's just so hard to give money any value when you don't have to pay for your own food and housing 🙃
In high school I got $40/month (in the 90’s). Eventually it was tied to me cleaning my room, because that was important to my parents. Then modified to include the stipulation that I got a dollar less for every day after the 3rd that it wasn’t done. Like paying a late fee on my rent, in reverse.
Yeah, I was that kid.
All other chores were just part of living together in the house.
This sounds like your parents had a hard time convincing you cleaning your room was important LOL
My kids are now adults. For me the allowance I gave was about their financial education. (And my freedom)
I started at KG at $3 weekly (in 1997) and increased thru high school.
In elementary school it was primarily for snacks, junk toys, and other small items. It became their decision not mine.
By middle school it was increased ($10-15 weekly) and included a separate budget for clothing ($450 yearly). At this point they were responsible for their music, any meals or movies with friends, their buying snacks or items on vacations, and gifts for their friends and family.
In high school it maxed out ($20 weekly) and started coming only once a month. They were responsible for their own gas, and if working half the car insurance.
The same in college, they received their personal expenses as per the college monthly, and when living off campus their rent and food money monthly as well.
The two largest benefits were that they learned gradually how to budget, make choices, apply their values, and learn from mistakes.
And I was freed from those hundreds of choices and not having to be involved in every decision of whether to buy music or clothes or gas or……...(and not feel that their poor choices were my poor choices).
They never had to ask for more during college, and now as adults have avoided credit card debt, and presave for vacations.
We have assisted them to fund retirement by contributing any earned income in high school and college towards Roth IRAs.