My wife has dropped out of the rat race. She worked really hard early in her career and then got burned out trying to deal with office politics and do everything better than her male coworkers. Now she's taking time to recover her health and find things she enjoys.
My wife and I have agreed we will only hire female financial advisors. If I kick the bucket, she wants to be able to talk with someone that better understands her perspective.
I am your mother's or grandmother's generation. So I've experienced all of this.At some point, I came to realize you can't have it all and do it well. I gave up opportunities yo ptomote my career so I voyld be a mother and raise my son, foolishly thinking I could pick up where I left off. I was wrong. I also came to realize a few years ago hoe unhealthy the hustle culture is, especially for the feminine energy. What advice do you have for balance for today's women in similar situations?
My best friend is returning to work after her first child, and a lot of our chats at the moment are about how she will probably always feel like she should be doing more of something: more family time, more workouts, more CPD courses, more reading for fun. Hoping the book comes out in audiobook format so I can recommend it to her without adding to the to do list haha
I’m feeling so burned out lately…It’s so Hard to let go of all the things I think I should do, to let go of extra second jobs that May have run their course, and make time for me.
My kids are in secondary now, but I see the looming second care shift coming with our parents.
How do we hold our financial selves together through this changing midlife, with college and care giving on the horizon?
What policy changes do you think would be most effective in helping women both professionally and in their work as care givers (both to children and elderly parents)
Hi Corrine! I have a job opportunity that would pay twice as much as I make now, but realistically be almost twice the work. I’m single, childfree, and 45. My current job is low stakes, pays well for what it is (but not enough to get ahead wo careful financial planning and sacrifice). What would be the preliminary questions you would ask yourself in this scenario taking into account both financial security AND work-life balance?
Hi Eden - I'd love to hear Corinne's advice on this, especially from an economic point of view. I've gotten myself in a similar situation, where I have a low-stakes and good-enough-pay job, and I like that about it. If something comes along that requires a lot more effort, the financial reward *absolutely* has to match, but for me it's also about the meaning of the work. Low-stakes is so valuable to me, so high-stakes, high-effort work has to not only pay more but also be way more meaningful to me.
I appreciate data backed insights so much - it helps me be able to point to something tangible and say, “see, I’m not crazy” - even if I’m just saying it to myself!
I do think sometimes I struggle to find myself in these narratives and conversations though because I don’t have children, so it feels that I shouldn’t be complaining or struggling the way all of my friends and colleagues who are mothers are (and to be very clear: I’m not - I don’t have to juggle school pickups and sick days and guilt over my attention) but I still struggle in my own ways. I just feel more pressure to keep it to myself since, to my friends and colleagues with kids, my life appears to be so much “easier”. I’d be curious if you’ve got data and advice for partnered/married women who aren’t mothers?
I'm in the same situation, Christy! Absolutely recognizing all of the child-rearing responsibilities and discrimination I *don't* have to deal with but also being a woman in a world where we still face a lot of these challenges and choices.
I was recently laid off at 63 and am facing the realization that I may not find work again at the income level I had finally achieved. It is a terrifying place to be. I have retirement savings, but not enough to just throw in the towel. So I'm trying to fit myself into the same mold and pursue the same jobs, while realizing that I honestly don't fit anymore. Do you have any advice that could be helpful for older women in my situation?
Thank you for sharing this! I'm sorry for this situation and appreciate you realizing that you just don't fit the mold anymore. I'm eager to see Corinne's thoughts here.
Ooo, I'd love to hear EVERYONE'S response to this one, Mel!
I've dealt with this mainly by surrounding myself with strong women. Anytime I've wandered into male-dominated workplaces, I quickly find it's not right for me, that there's very little for me to gain by sticking around. So I move on as quickly as I can and stick with spaces that are led by women who understand all of these dynamics. It's incredible to see how differently women manage companies and teams. It makes me feel less angry about the discrepancies and more just changes my expectations for how things should be.
I share Dana’s experience, I’ve mostly chosen to work with all women teams and orgs led by women. It’s not without it’s own problems, but in general they’ve been more healthy environments.
I really appreciated your candor about your familial financial history. I work with many women who struggle with balancing family and work, sometimes putting their own needs in the mix. Very ambitious and successful women who seem mostly on the edge of a burnout that their spouses often are not seeing. Do you address that last point in your book? If not, any suggestions?
Reading your experience of new motherhood and work feels like reading my own story. I pushed through, had three kids, was the primary breadwinner, and did the bulk of work in the home. My ex was praised because he watched the kids on weekends when I had to work, but I was never praised for the daily drop off and pick ups, the dinner preparation, the returns to office after dinner to do more work, the way I used my one day off to clean, plan, and do laundry. Intense burnout led to both a divorce and a major career change with significant pay cut—but I’m happier than ever. I still have a lot of anger about this, since I know if I were a man then this entire story would have been different. I guess I’m wondering what suggestion you have for me now that my life is better but the system as a whole is still so unbalanced, and I wonder what I can do to support other women who are in the same situation I was in just a few years ago.
I’m married without children and one of the best things we’ve done is take turns being the primary wage earner. There have been chunks of time when I’ve been responsible for most of the home stuff and others when my husband has. It has cultivated a lot of understanding and gratitude for one another in our household. The last three years I’ve been the wage earner and practiced telling myself that my job was working, not food shopping, doing the dishes or cleaning. I pitched in here and there, but did a pretty good job of staying out of it. And my husband was happy to do it because he was burned out from working a physical job for 18 years. This arrangement has been a big win for our marriage.
My wife has dropped out of the rat race. She worked really hard early in her career and then got burned out trying to deal with office politics and do everything better than her male coworkers. Now she's taking time to recover her health and find things she enjoys.
My wife and I have agreed we will only hire female financial advisors. If I kick the bucket, she wants to be able to talk with someone that better understands her perspective.
I'm glad she's getting the time she needs! I'm sorry it took burnout to get there.
I am your mother's or grandmother's generation. So I've experienced all of this.At some point, I came to realize you can't have it all and do it well. I gave up opportunities yo ptomote my career so I voyld be a mother and raise my son, foolishly thinking I could pick up where I left off. I was wrong. I also came to realize a few years ago hoe unhealthy the hustle culture is, especially for the feminine energy. What advice do you have for balance for today's women in similar situations?
My best friend is returning to work after her first child, and a lot of our chats at the moment are about how she will probably always feel like she should be doing more of something: more family time, more workouts, more CPD courses, more reading for fun. Hoping the book comes out in audiobook format so I can recommend it to her without adding to the to do list haha
I’m feeling so burned out lately…It’s so Hard to let go of all the things I think I should do, to let go of extra second jobs that May have run their course, and make time for me.
My kids are in secondary now, but I see the looming second care shift coming with our parents.
How do we hold our financial selves together through this changing midlife, with college and care giving on the horizon?
What policy changes do you think would be most effective in helping women both professionally and in their work as care givers (both to children and elderly parents)
Hi Corrine! I have a job opportunity that would pay twice as much as I make now, but realistically be almost twice the work. I’m single, childfree, and 45. My current job is low stakes, pays well for what it is (but not enough to get ahead wo careful financial planning and sacrifice). What would be the preliminary questions you would ask yourself in this scenario taking into account both financial security AND work-life balance?
Hi Eden - I'd love to hear Corinne's advice on this, especially from an economic point of view. I've gotten myself in a similar situation, where I have a low-stakes and good-enough-pay job, and I like that about it. If something comes along that requires a lot more effort, the financial reward *absolutely* has to match, but for me it's also about the meaning of the work. Low-stakes is so valuable to me, so high-stakes, high-effort work has to not only pay more but also be way more meaningful to me.
I appreciate data backed insights so much - it helps me be able to point to something tangible and say, “see, I’m not crazy” - even if I’m just saying it to myself!
I do think sometimes I struggle to find myself in these narratives and conversations though because I don’t have children, so it feels that I shouldn’t be complaining or struggling the way all of my friends and colleagues who are mothers are (and to be very clear: I’m not - I don’t have to juggle school pickups and sick days and guilt over my attention) but I still struggle in my own ways. I just feel more pressure to keep it to myself since, to my friends and colleagues with kids, my life appears to be so much “easier”. I’d be curious if you’ve got data and advice for partnered/married women who aren’t mothers?
I'm in the same situation, Christy! Absolutely recognizing all of the child-rearing responsibilities and discrimination I *don't* have to deal with but also being a woman in a world where we still face a lot of these challenges and choices.
I was recently laid off at 63 and am facing the realization that I may not find work again at the income level I had finally achieved. It is a terrifying place to be. I have retirement savings, but not enough to just throw in the towel. So I'm trying to fit myself into the same mold and pursue the same jobs, while realizing that I honestly don't fit anymore. Do you have any advice that could be helpful for older women in my situation?
Thank you for sharing this! I'm sorry for this situation and appreciate you realizing that you just don't fit the mold anymore. I'm eager to see Corinne's thoughts here.
How have you dealt with the anger at the injustice of how men are treated in the workplace vs how women are?
Ooo, I'd love to hear EVERYONE'S response to this one, Mel!
I've dealt with this mainly by surrounding myself with strong women. Anytime I've wandered into male-dominated workplaces, I quickly find it's not right for me, that there's very little for me to gain by sticking around. So I move on as quickly as I can and stick with spaces that are led by women who understand all of these dynamics. It's incredible to see how differently women manage companies and teams. It makes me feel less angry about the discrepancies and more just changes my expectations for how things should be.
Fantastic way to look at it! Thanks
I share Dana’s experience, I’ve mostly chosen to work with all women teams and orgs led by women. It’s not without it’s own problems, but in general they’ve been more healthy environments.
I'm here if you have other questions we didn't get to!
I really appreciated your candor about your familial financial history. I work with many women who struggle with balancing family and work, sometimes putting their own needs in the mix. Very ambitious and successful women who seem mostly on the edge of a burnout that their spouses often are not seeing. Do you address that last point in your book? If not, any suggestions?
Reading your experience of new motherhood and work feels like reading my own story. I pushed through, had three kids, was the primary breadwinner, and did the bulk of work in the home. My ex was praised because he watched the kids on weekends when I had to work, but I was never praised for the daily drop off and pick ups, the dinner preparation, the returns to office after dinner to do more work, the way I used my one day off to clean, plan, and do laundry. Intense burnout led to both a divorce and a major career change with significant pay cut—but I’m happier than ever. I still have a lot of anger about this, since I know if I were a man then this entire story would have been different. I guess I’m wondering what suggestion you have for me now that my life is better but the system as a whole is still so unbalanced, and I wonder what I can do to support other women who are in the same situation I was in just a few years ago.
I’m married without children and one of the best things we’ve done is take turns being the primary wage earner. There have been chunks of time when I’ve been responsible for most of the home stuff and others when my husband has. It has cultivated a lot of understanding and gratitude for one another in our household. The last three years I’ve been the wage earner and practiced telling myself that my job was working, not food shopping, doing the dishes or cleaning. I pitched in here and there, but did a pretty good job of staying out of it. And my husband was happy to do it because he was burned out from working a physical job for 18 years. This arrangement has been a big win for our marriage.