The job of life is being you in whatever form that takes. So many people I know love to travel, for me that feels like work. I like to stay home and read, for many people that sounds insanely boring. The best thing I learned in life is not to compare. Your life is rich in the ways that you want it to be rich.
I can’t fully express how much I look forward to your posts! Even though we’re different generations (I’m a bitter Gen-Xer who came of age when capitalism was a dirty word and yet toxic bro culture and corporate greed were still the rule, and continue to remain so), your fresh take on personal finance is the only female voice I’ve discovered actually asking the hard questions, and not just adapting misogynistic business practices to post-feminist ideals (spoiler alert: “girl-boss culture isn’t any better).
I chose a creative career in hopes I’d never hate what I did for a living, knowing I’d likely never make much but hoping I’d somehow achieve that unicorn of ideals: work/life balance. Needless to say, it didn’t pan out that way. As someone who has no interest in either management or freelancing, carving out a career path has been like continually jumping constantly evaporating rocks in molten hot lava.
As I enter the (hopefully) last phase of my career, it seems like just staying employed is the ultimate win. After 30+ years total, and 4 years with my current employer, I was recently told I’m the highest paid employee in my department and therefore not worthy of a cost of living increase (which we all know under the current administration is closer to 10% than 3%). All this from a manager 20 years younger and a nepo baby handed a successful business by Daddy.
What to do? I have no idea. But knowing other women like you are navigating similar issues somehow makes the burden less heavy. Thank you for being honest and brave! 🩷
Fellow GenXer here, I definitely feel you on the being pushed out by the less qualified 30 somethings. I recently was passed over for a promotion for someone less experienced and it really stung. So much so, that I am really seeing now that the company obviously doesn't see my value and I need to shift to my next chapter before the end of 2026.
Your piece resonated so much. Work is also my organizing principle but I would not describe myself as a workaholic. I have the balance I personally need and have rich relationships. I work for myself so working feels like self care. And I find creative rejuvenation through coming up with new frameworks for my company. As someone in the second act of my life and career I have no regrets about this focus.
"I work for myself so working feels like self care" really hits me, too. It's not the case for everyone who's self-employed, but it's true that if we can take some control and ownership of how we work and what we do, work can be fulfilling and joyful and not something we have to escape from.
A thought provoking piece that resonates for us Type A personalities who struggle with perfectionism and workaholism and people pleasing. My life coach recently told me that overwork and burnout from being a workaholic is a basically a socially acceptable form of addiction, like being addicted to sweets. Capitalist culture has brainwashed us into hustling harder for less and less. I feel like a traitor to my anti-capitalist values when I confess that I often enjoy my work.
Alas, the ongoing dilemma of actually enjoying work has perplexed me for some time now. I thoroughly enjoy meaningful work in non-toxic environments. The problem is that most companies are totally toxic because of the people at the top and the gossip and infighting. A friend said to me recently that the only way to find a good boss is to become your own. The key for me is that the work has to be meaningful. I find myself being so passionate about helping young people that I often give my advice away for free. I'm a natural "life coach" and for so long it has felt wrong to charge people. But, as I enter "the shift" into early semi-retirement, I believe I will launch my own business to see how it goes. They say that people who work for themselves actually work the hardest.
The challenge of finding a “good” company is so real. I haven’t figured it out yet, but sometimes I can find a place that’s OK to land for a few years before it becomes too much.
I’m starting to believe that as an introverted empath with horrible boundaries that I may not be a good fit for in person employment. Maybe it’s not them, it’s me, or it’s both. I know my nervous system is raw from the bullying and needs to heal from the toxic culture. It’s like dating the wrong person. I keep thinking the next one will be different. Sigh.
I read this piece during my lunch break and have been giving it thought since (so thank you!). I appreciate *so many* of the points you made (including neurodivergence) and (gasp!) *actual enjoyment* factoring into this for you.
I'm a different flavor of neurodivergent and also self-employed (these things are connected!), and although I've long told myself I only work because I HAVE TO and that I'd jump at the chance not to, I've actually been reckoning lately with the sneaky truth that I do actually identify with my work more than I'd otherwise admit AND that that's actually quite lovely and healthy in my case.
Thank you for your thoughtfulness! This is a weird realization in our culture. It’s taken me a while to fully identify it in myself. For years, I just identified with that ambitious “career woman” of the old days, because I liked work and didn’t want kids. But the actual ambition never sat right with me. I’m glad to finally realize that I enjoy work, but it with the striving that our culture presents on that path.
It's so interesting, these stories we tell ourselves. I also don't have kids by choice, but I also always knew I didn't want to center my life around work. And so there was no easy, cultural way to define myself at all! I'm currently settling into this nuanced narrative, where work absolutely isn't the center of my life/identity AND work does have a much stronger meaning (and enjoyment even!) than I'd ever allowed myself to fully acknowledge (admit). If I ever stopped working (not when, because lol), there would actually be a loss. I'd get over it lol but it would be more of a transition in both routine and to Self than I'd realized before.
I really appreciate you sharing this. I can see how work has been a genuine source of energy, identity, and meaning for you. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that at all.
For me, it’s been very different. Across industries and across states, work was rarely a place of fulfillment or safety. It was often a place of strain and quiet indignities. So instead of needing to expand into an identity beyond work, I’ve spent a long time trying to untangle my worth from it.
I’m genuinely glad work gets to be a happy place for you. I just come to this question from the opposite direction, by trying to build a self that isn’t measured by output or usefulness. I started playing the flute last year, for example. Not with any goal in mind. Just for fun.
Yes! This is an important journey for a lot of people, because we so define your worth by your ability to produce for profit. And I'm completely against that. That's why it feels so weird to identify so strongly with work! I hope you're having some success in finding yourself outside of that system.
Yay to playing the flute! I don't pick mine up often enough, but it's an engrained part of who I am, and it's delightful to connect with another just-for-fun player :)
I love this type of existence and it’s what I always wished I had. My job has me questioning my “worth” because I am only as good as the money I can bring in. It’s inspiring to hear that not all jobs are like this 🙂
The job of life is being you in whatever form that takes. So many people I know love to travel, for me that feels like work. I like to stay home and read, for many people that sounds insanely boring. The best thing I learned in life is not to compare. Your life is rich in the ways that you want it to be rich.
Thank you, Deidre! A great reminder not to fall into comparison traps — it's such an easy trap to fall into.
I can’t fully express how much I look forward to your posts! Even though we’re different generations (I’m a bitter Gen-Xer who came of age when capitalism was a dirty word and yet toxic bro culture and corporate greed were still the rule, and continue to remain so), your fresh take on personal finance is the only female voice I’ve discovered actually asking the hard questions, and not just adapting misogynistic business practices to post-feminist ideals (spoiler alert: “girl-boss culture isn’t any better).
I chose a creative career in hopes I’d never hate what I did for a living, knowing I’d likely never make much but hoping I’d somehow achieve that unicorn of ideals: work/life balance. Needless to say, it didn’t pan out that way. As someone who has no interest in either management or freelancing, carving out a career path has been like continually jumping constantly evaporating rocks in molten hot lava.
As I enter the (hopefully) last phase of my career, it seems like just staying employed is the ultimate win. After 30+ years total, and 4 years with my current employer, I was recently told I’m the highest paid employee in my department and therefore not worthy of a cost of living increase (which we all know under the current administration is closer to 10% than 3%). All this from a manager 20 years younger and a nepo baby handed a successful business by Daddy.
What to do? I have no idea. But knowing other women like you are navigating similar issues somehow makes the burden less heavy. Thank you for being honest and brave! 🩷
Thank you so much for reading and for your kind words!
Fellow GenXer here, I definitely feel you on the being pushed out by the less qualified 30 somethings. I recently was passed over for a promotion for someone less experienced and it really stung. So much so, that I am really seeing now that the company obviously doesn't see my value and I need to shift to my next chapter before the end of 2026.
Great piece
We are not merely robots, but people, imperfect people with dedication and pride.
Your piece resonated so much. Work is also my organizing principle but I would not describe myself as a workaholic. I have the balance I personally need and have rich relationships. I work for myself so working feels like self care. And I find creative rejuvenation through coming up with new frameworks for my company. As someone in the second act of my life and career I have no regrets about this focus.
"I work for myself so working feels like self care" really hits me, too. It's not the case for everyone who's self-employed, but it's true that if we can take some control and ownership of how we work and what we do, work can be fulfilling and joyful and not something we have to escape from.
Cheering through this whole article, and laughed out loud at Galentines! That one is a no for me, too!
I adore Leslie Knope as a character, but we could never be friends in real life. Exhausting :)
I loved this post, Dana!
Thank you!
A thought provoking piece that resonates for us Type A personalities who struggle with perfectionism and workaholism and people pleasing. My life coach recently told me that overwork and burnout from being a workaholic is a basically a socially acceptable form of addiction, like being addicted to sweets. Capitalist culture has brainwashed us into hustling harder for less and less. I feel like a traitor to my anti-capitalist values when I confess that I often enjoy my work.
Alas, the ongoing dilemma of actually enjoying work has perplexed me for some time now. I thoroughly enjoy meaningful work in non-toxic environments. The problem is that most companies are totally toxic because of the people at the top and the gossip and infighting. A friend said to me recently that the only way to find a good boss is to become your own. The key for me is that the work has to be meaningful. I find myself being so passionate about helping young people that I often give my advice away for free. I'm a natural "life coach" and for so long it has felt wrong to charge people. But, as I enter "the shift" into early semi-retirement, I believe I will launch my own business to see how it goes. They say that people who work for themselves actually work the hardest.
I wish you the best with this business!
The challenge of finding a “good” company is so real. I haven’t figured it out yet, but sometimes I can find a place that’s OK to land for a few years before it becomes too much.
“Finding a place that’s ok to land for a few years.” As a job hopper, this hits home for me. Thanks for the new perspective
I’m starting to believe that as an introverted empath with horrible boundaries that I may not be a good fit for in person employment. Maybe it’s not them, it’s me, or it’s both. I know my nervous system is raw from the bullying and needs to heal from the toxic culture. It’s like dating the wrong person. I keep thinking the next one will be different. Sigh.
I go from job to job and now I’m starting to think I’ve been the issue the whole time 🤦🏻♀️
I read this piece during my lunch break and have been giving it thought since (so thank you!). I appreciate *so many* of the points you made (including neurodivergence) and (gasp!) *actual enjoyment* factoring into this for you.
I'm a different flavor of neurodivergent and also self-employed (these things are connected!), and although I've long told myself I only work because I HAVE TO and that I'd jump at the chance not to, I've actually been reckoning lately with the sneaky truth that I do actually identify with my work more than I'd otherwise admit AND that that's actually quite lovely and healthy in my case.
Thank you for your thoughtfulness! This is a weird realization in our culture. It’s taken me a while to fully identify it in myself. For years, I just identified with that ambitious “career woman” of the old days, because I liked work and didn’t want kids. But the actual ambition never sat right with me. I’m glad to finally realize that I enjoy work, but it with the striving that our culture presents on that path.
It's so interesting, these stories we tell ourselves. I also don't have kids by choice, but I also always knew I didn't want to center my life around work. And so there was no easy, cultural way to define myself at all! I'm currently settling into this nuanced narrative, where work absolutely isn't the center of my life/identity AND work does have a much stronger meaning (and enjoyment even!) than I'd ever allowed myself to fully acknowledge (admit). If I ever stopped working (not when, because lol), there would actually be a loss. I'd get over it lol but it would be more of a transition in both routine and to Self than I'd realized before.
I really appreciate you sharing this. I can see how work has been a genuine source of energy, identity, and meaning for you. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that at all.
For me, it’s been very different. Across industries and across states, work was rarely a place of fulfillment or safety. It was often a place of strain and quiet indignities. So instead of needing to expand into an identity beyond work, I’ve spent a long time trying to untangle my worth from it.
I’m genuinely glad work gets to be a happy place for you. I just come to this question from the opposite direction, by trying to build a self that isn’t measured by output or usefulness. I started playing the flute last year, for example. Not with any goal in mind. Just for fun.
Yes! This is an important journey for a lot of people, because we so define your worth by your ability to produce for profit. And I'm completely against that. That's why it feels so weird to identify so strongly with work! I hope you're having some success in finding yourself outside of that system.
Yay to playing the flute! I don't pick mine up often enough, but it's an engrained part of who I am, and it's delightful to connect with another just-for-fun player :)
I love this type of existence and it’s what I always wished I had. My job has me questioning my “worth” because I am only as good as the money I can bring in. It’s inspiring to hear that not all jobs are like this 🙂