How do money conversations change when you're both older? A lot of advice is written towards younger newly married couples starting out, but what about when you are both just short of retirement?
How do you decide what is couple money and what is your own? I spend more freely than my husband and it adds up at the end of the year. We always make sure to have enough to cover our expenses and saving goals, so both having different levels of monthly expenses and reducing the amount I spend for pleasure feel icky. I tried forcing him to spend more, but it doesn't work!
It's Doug. I am not sure there is a problem here. If your bills are being paid, you are on pace to meet your financial goals, and your husband is okay with everything, I say keep doing what you're doing and enjoy. Maybe he doesn't need to spend for pleasure like you do, and that's okay. It's worth checking in with him and having a conversation around it so you can ensure that you're truly meeting all your joint financial goals. There's a really good chance that doing so will make you feel better.
I have a wonderful husband - we married late in life and he has 3 "adult" children. I have none. I use quotes because 2 of them are approaching 40 and still live in his house rent-free. They don't pay for repairs, taxes, insurance....nothing. This house is 50 years old! This is absurdly codependent to me. He moved into my house which we are still paying for as well as 2 car payments etc. We have many expenses, and he still works FT at 69. I have brought it up numerous times. If you were me would you insist that he start charging them at least $1000 a month to cover the cost of the home? How would you approach this sensitive topic? We have no financial goals and that bothers me as well.
Interested in this! In our marriage I grew up with a lot more financial education than my spouse and it’s difficult to help remedy without feeling condescending.
We loved your questions, Dana, and are just so grateful to share this space with your readers today!
How do money conversations change when you're both older? A lot of advice is written towards younger newly married couples starting out, but what about when you are both just short of retirement?
One way is how your appetites and capacity for risk change over time. We address that point specifically in the section on risk in our book!
How do you decide what is couple money and what is your own? I spend more freely than my husband and it adds up at the end of the year. We always make sure to have enough to cover our expenses and saving goals, so both having different levels of monthly expenses and reducing the amount I spend for pleasure feel icky. I tried forcing him to spend more, but it doesn't work!
It's Doug. I am not sure there is a problem here. If your bills are being paid, you are on pace to meet your financial goals, and your husband is okay with everything, I say keep doing what you're doing and enjoy. Maybe he doesn't need to spend for pleasure like you do, and that's okay. It's worth checking in with him and having a conversation around it so you can ensure that you're truly meeting all your joint financial goals. There's a really good chance that doing so will make you feel better.
I have a wonderful husband - we married late in life and he has 3 "adult" children. I have none. I use quotes because 2 of them are approaching 40 and still live in his house rent-free. They don't pay for repairs, taxes, insurance....nothing. This house is 50 years old! This is absurdly codependent to me. He moved into my house which we are still paying for as well as 2 car payments etc. We have many expenses, and he still works FT at 69. I have brought it up numerous times. If you were me would you insist that he start charging them at least $1000 a month to cover the cost of the home? How would you approach this sensitive topic? We have no financial goals and that bothers me as well.
Interested in this! In our marriage I grew up with a lot more financial education than my spouse and it’s difficult to help remedy without feeling condescending.