Imagine if you could’ve taken out no-interest student loans for capped tuition fees. And you’d had paid maternity leave for a year. And your job as a teacher actually paid a living wage.
I used to live in the US but left for exactly those quality of life reasons and more. Like you, I didn’t have parents who would help me out and that makes such a big difference when it really shouldn’t.
I always appreciate articles that highlight how much of our financial situation is chance/fortune/context and not just behavior. I often think of this in the reverse - I was making ok money and getting by until I got a call from a recruiter off of LinkedIn and ended up landing a job that pays me more than twice what I was making - it's not that I hustled or spent time and money on education and climbing the ladder. It's purely because this recruiter happened to come across my profile and give me a call. I think of all the people I work with doing the same thing and realize how lucky I am.
Context matters, amen. I am fascinated by the way gender roles impact our financial lives- from who choose to marry (marry “up” anyone?) to pay inequality to bearing/raising children. The smugness of “I am a better/smarter/holier person because I have no debt” stuff permeates our culture and our minds in ways I realize more and more every day.
Oh, the "better/smarter/holier" vibe that is everywhere, still. Sighs. The comparison Dana has shown with diet culture has helped me so much; I can't unsee it now. Thanks for reading.
Love this, Heather. Thanks for being so open and vulnerable about your story! I, too, was raised on the bootstrapping idea... but it's such a scam. There are so many systems in place to keep us down, and it's so hard to overcome shame around not being "financially solvent." Factor in things out of your control, like you mentioned, and it feels like a black hole. But, as your real-life friend (<3), I can attest to how you've shared your resources over the years, and helped my family stay on its feet in incredibly hard situations. Even when you struggle, you show up for your community, and as Dana has said, resource-sharing is something we all need to tap into more!
Thanks, Nicolle! I think the real freedom has come in realizing I’m not actually in control of it all, and that debt or wealth isn’t a measure of my worth or anyone else’s. That shift has helped me show up for myself and others without waiting for the “right” moment.
Whew, reading this was super healing for me. Thank you for sharing. That lack of family support is so huge and it's a big, big wound for me. We had made it to debt free and then the roof needed replaced and the downhill debt spiral began again. The list of how we got here is long. Hard. Traumatic.
Thanks for sharing, Shawn. The long list plus lack of support is so hard, and then the stories we tell ourselves about all that can be more trauma on top. You're not alone.
Oh, wow, so much of your journey resonated with me. I'm an empath and my husband is an oldest child of 8 in a blended family. We played rescuer so many times to different siblings and nieces and nephews and cousins even when we had borrow and use credit to help. I used to blame myself for not being smarter with money until I found Dana's column and realized that we've all been hoodwinked by budget culture. Thanks for sharing your amazing journey and know that you are not alone! Debt is just a situation that we are managing.
Imagine if you could’ve taken out no-interest student loans for capped tuition fees. And you’d had paid maternity leave for a year. And your job as a teacher actually paid a living wage.
I used to live in the US but left for exactly those quality of life reasons and more. Like you, I didn’t have parents who would help me out and that makes such a big difference when it really shouldn’t.
I cannot imagine. And on behalf of those who come after me, I want to keep imagining.
I always appreciate articles that highlight how much of our financial situation is chance/fortune/context and not just behavior. I often think of this in the reverse - I was making ok money and getting by until I got a call from a recruiter off of LinkedIn and ended up landing a job that pays me more than twice what I was making - it's not that I hustled or spent time and money on education and climbing the ladder. It's purely because this recruiter happened to come across my profile and give me a call. I think of all the people I work with doing the same thing and realize how lucky I am.
Yes! I've had similar experiences with making more money and having healthier finances, and it's hard to explain that that is so dependent on chance.
Right? It's so easy to think that it's all about behavior and hustle, the end. Not true.
Context matters, amen. I am fascinated by the way gender roles impact our financial lives- from who choose to marry (marry “up” anyone?) to pay inequality to bearing/raising children. The smugness of “I am a better/smarter/holier person because I have no debt” stuff permeates our culture and our minds in ways I realize more and more every day.
Oh, the "better/smarter/holier" vibe that is everywhere, still. Sighs. The comparison Dana has shown with diet culture has helped me so much; I can't unsee it now. Thanks for reading.
Love this, Heather. Thanks for being so open and vulnerable about your story! I, too, was raised on the bootstrapping idea... but it's such a scam. There are so many systems in place to keep us down, and it's so hard to overcome shame around not being "financially solvent." Factor in things out of your control, like you mentioned, and it feels like a black hole. But, as your real-life friend (<3), I can attest to how you've shared your resources over the years, and helped my family stay on its feet in incredibly hard situations. Even when you struggle, you show up for your community, and as Dana has said, resource-sharing is something we all need to tap into more!
Thanks, Nicolle! I think the real freedom has come in realizing I’m not actually in control of it all, and that debt or wealth isn’t a measure of my worth or anyone else’s. That shift has helped me show up for myself and others without waiting for the “right” moment.
Whew, reading this was super healing for me. Thank you for sharing. That lack of family support is so huge and it's a big, big wound for me. We had made it to debt free and then the roof needed replaced and the downhill debt spiral began again. The list of how we got here is long. Hard. Traumatic.
Thanks for sharing, Shawn. The long list plus lack of support is so hard, and then the stories we tell ourselves about all that can be more trauma on top. You're not alone.
Oh, wow, so much of your journey resonated with me. I'm an empath and my husband is an oldest child of 8 in a blended family. We played rescuer so many times to different siblings and nieces and nephews and cousins even when we had borrow and use credit to help. I used to blame myself for not being smarter with money until I found Dana's column and realized that we've all been hoodwinked by budget culture. Thanks for sharing your amazing journey and know that you are not alone! Debt is just a situation that we are managing.
Oh, yes, with you on the effort to keep the problem the problem and not turn it inward on ourselves. And yes, to managing it the best we can!